The maid of honor just puked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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