they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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