Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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