I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
