you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
