You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
