jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
