just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
