Please, let me fuck your mom
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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