So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
