I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
