Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wear drunk well.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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