he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We're too hungover to prance.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
