Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
