Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
