that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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