It's Friday. Sex?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
