so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
