when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize