i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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