...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize