Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
