My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
