WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
