Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
