I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize