those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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