I got chris browned last night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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