I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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