u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize