I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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