Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
