she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
