so that wasnt chicken after all
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
