Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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