I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
