I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Too much gin, very little bucket
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
