Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
