I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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