i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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