you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
