I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
