Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize