so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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