I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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