You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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