an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
