i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need moral support for this bender
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
