Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
