I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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