bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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