once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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