Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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