I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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