Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
