i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize