So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
