thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
