woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
