Porn is love you can see.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
