cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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