I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
