I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
