I want to stick my p in your. b.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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