How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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