Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
