just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
