how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
