My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
