i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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