then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
