conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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