Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
