I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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