The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
