I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
