I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
