I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
